Yesterday I went to see my in-laws, about an hour’s drive south of San Francisco. My partner and his brothers played tennis while I babysat my nephew. Afterwards, as we were driving from the park back to my brother-in-law’s house, Devin announced that he needed food immediately. And before you could say ‘grease-covered lard balls’ it was decided by the group that we’d get take-out Mexican food.

As it happens, I don’t care all that much for Mexican food — mostly because so much of what they have at fast-food outlets is so calorie and fat-laden. But despite being a grown man and having a lifetime of experiences and strategies under my belt, I sat in the car, mute. It just seemed impossible for me to do or say anything about the food choice.

I’m not quite sure what causes the lack of empowerment that I feel when in a group. God knows I grew up as the youngest child in a big family and I’m used to having to shout to get my voice heard. I suppose there is simply something inherent in the social contract that says ‘when a group of people decides to do something, get along and go along.’ Still, as my Mother would say ‘if everyone decided to jump off a cliff, would you do it just because they did?’

Writing about it now, I can think of a couple of things I could have done. I could have asked to stop at a convenience store (there are dozens and dozens of them in that neighborhood). Surely I could have found a yogurt or something else healthy. I could have even said something like ‘oh I was hoping for something healthier’ and asked that we find a place with a salad bar or veggie options. In fact, I could actually have just taken a couple of pieces of fruit in the car with me yesterday and that would have ‘held’ me for the duration.

But no. I neither did nor said any of those things. I simply sat in my seat, unspeaking, and feeling like a hostage. It was just too big a struggle for me to get involved in the family dynamics of my in-laws to ‘assert’ myself. So I steeled myself and tried to imagine what it was that my brother-in-law was going to pick up (because I wasn’t even in the same car with the group that was going to do the ordering).

And lo and behold… the Mexican restaurant was closed!

Home they came with Chinese food, and much to my relief, there were ample veggies and soup and healthy plates like chicken and tofu. I ate my fill and thanked my lucky stars.

Still, the lesson I learned is that all I really need to do is take about 5 extra minutes before a trip like that to throw together a few healthy things and put them in a cooler in the trunk. It would have saved me a lot of angst. Especially if the Mexican place had been open.

Live. Learn. Eat.