This past week I’ve been dealing with the painfully difficult representatives of Citibank, trying to straighten out what’s really not a very complicated issue. Now I’m smart enough not to keep my own money in that kind of monolithic megacorporation, but I do manage the finances of an old friend of mine who has a fairly large investment with them.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I’m treated like an incompetent moron, I find it very hard to remain civil. And when I’m being scolded as a ‘rule-breaker’ or a ‘cheat’ it makes my blood boil. With Citibank, I often start to tremble even before I being dialing the 800 number.

At any rate, in dealing with them yesterday I had to actually go to the branch and face some people in person. I’d been by earlier in the week, and came out feeling like an ill-behaved child who’d been granted his request, despite being spoiled. This time it was even worse. The representatives took the attitude of “you can’t be helped, but I’ll listen briefly to you and pretend to pay attention.” After which they simply said “No, you can’t do that.”

I stood my ground and finally the manager relented and noted that she would “try” to help solve the problem. I’m not convinced, but I left with the feeling that there was at least the possibility of a near-term resolution. (And yes, I’m counselling my friend to remove his considerable funds from that horrid institution, but its HIS call.)

Afterward, I felt as though I was teetering on a slippery-slope. The combination of being in a heightened emotional state AND being treated like a child is a sure-fire way to send me into binge mode. Over the course of my life, many is the time that I have soothed my raw nerves from a tense situation by diving into the chocovat or wallowing in cookies. When the world seems mean, unfair and uncontrollable, there’s nothing like food as an anaesthetic.

As I’ve mentioned so many times, the odd repercussion of being a thin and healthy-eating person now is that I’ve lost one of my front-line defenses against the chaos of life. Its ironic that I’ve never been so trim and physically fit in my life, and at the same time I feel just as vulnerable as ever (or more so). Its not that I miss the layer of extra fat that held the world at bay – I just miss the calming affect it had.

All in all, I didn’t do too badly yesterday in the food department. After the bank episode, I immediately had to go run a meeting and that took my mind off of the feelings I’d been experiencing. By the time I got home last night, I felt okay (if not great) and prepared a healthy, sensible dinner.

Only after that did I trip and fall, finding solace in ice cream, crackers, and cereal. Fortunately, I caught myself in time. And I went to bed.

It would be nice if I could write about how empowered and mature and self-assured I’ve become and that I no longer have emotional responses to environmental stressors. I wish I could say that I walk around more boldly and comfortably, that I have grown into middle age as a secure and even-tempered adult.

But I’d hate to lie to you.

What I will say is that I’m happier having to deal with the slings and arrows of daily life without carrying around excess weight and without hiding behind a pile of calories. And its undeniable that I actually am more assertive than before and I do get my needs met to a much greater degree than ever. Because, in the absence of physical “armor,” I’ve slowly been developing the mental strategies that lead me to be a stronger person. It just takes time.

Meanwhile, the best “customer care” I can think of is to be kind and gentle to my body and to myself. Citibank be damned.