One of the higher hurdles on my journey of weight loss and maintenance is an occasional tendency to play the victim. I notice that the times I feel the most frustrated about having eaten inappropriate foods in inappropriate amounts, I start casting about for blame. “So-and-so is always eating junk food around me, and I can’t help myself.” “The people at work are so unhealthy and all they talk about is pizza and cheese and butter.” “I just had to eat that chocolate bar because she left it sitting right where I could see it.”

That kind of thing.

I also get whiny about people pointing me out as theWWer police. I get all worked up about how unfair it is that everybody watches me eat and makes all kinds of comments about what I will and won’t put in my mouth. At times like that, every casual inquiry feels like an accusation or a judgement, and then my emotions kick in and the next thing I know, oreos happen.

I was definitely thinking these kinds of thoughts on my way home from the church retreat. “Why did they have to douse the salad in cheese and oil?” “Why did cocktail hour last three hours and consist entirely of booze, crackers and cheese?” Why. Why. Why. Whine.

But in the cold light of day, I realized this morning while I was running with the dog, that I had every opportunity to stop and get something healthy to eat. I have a car. I have cash in the bank. I live in America. There are supermarkets.

So, frankly, the reason I overate yesterday was all about ME, not someone else. I was tired, and a little stressed out from my day, and a little too eager to finish up my drive to the ranch. My cell phone has a mapper that you can use to find grocery stores. I used it to look up some markets, and then I didn’t go to any of them.

Who’s to “blame” for that one, huh?

This is another one of those times when I miss Richard, who was always understanding when I’m in this kind of mood. He was also my only friend who enjoyed going out for dinner to a place that serves a humongous salad, that leaves you feeling full and healthy, and the dressing comes on the side. In this instance, he would probably give me some really good advice like, TAKE A NAP!

In fact, I think I’ll do just that.