At the gym tonight, during kickboxing class, all I could see was my stomach. It was very annoying. For most of my life I have been obsessed with my bulging tummy, and if you think I am crazy, then you’ve never seen a fitness magazine for men. Every single issue of every single kind has something about tight abs on the cover.

The sad part for me is that I did have a washboard stomach for the first few years after I lost my weight, but for the past couple of years I’ve been **just** a few too many pounds over my goal to keep my abs in sight. It’s amazing, but there is about a five pound range in which they appear/disappear. You’d think that would be motivation enough for me to get back to goal, but somehow it isn’t.

I suppose most people who are concerned with their weight are focused on a particular body part – butt, legs, arms, chin, breasts, etc. – that they would like to change. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with that. I think for the vast majority of people I know, to say that they are going to lose weight purely for health reasons would be a lie. It’s definitely about beauty!!

Still, I wish I could give myself a break.

What’s funny is that lately when I see pictures of myself, I can’t stand how old and scrawny my face looks. I wouldn’t mind having rosier cheeks or a bit more flesh around the mouth and eyes. I guess that comes from the first 40 years of my life looking at my face and always seeing someone kind of chubby in the reflection. But I guess we don’t get to choose where the weight loss takes place. God, or genetics, or a roll of the dice seems to determine how it works.

So for now, I’m just going to suck it up. Literally. When I’m working out, I’ll just make sure to keep my abs tight whenever I look in the mirror. I figure it’s good exercise and probably improves my posture too.

Oh, and I’ll try that thing about losing some weight, too.