Probably the most optimistic and positive thing I can say right now is that my eating this week was “less out of control” than last week. In fact, it was darn near close to maintenance eating. Which would be fine if I were at goal.

But being 8 pounds over goal, I need to do better.

Fortunately, that’s all I need to do. Be better. Not perfect. That’s a hard-learned lesson, but one worth remembering.

It’s also really important for me to catch myself engaging in negative self-talk right now. Looking in the mirror and wincing, or putting on my pants and thinking “god what a blubber ball.” That kind of thing. It’s not good for the soul and it’s not good for the scale, either.

This week was my second shot at starting a 7:30 a.m. meeting at the downtown WeightWatchers center. Last Friday we had about 11 people, but this morning –probably due to the gloom of the onset of rainy season—only seven showed up, and of those, a mere four people stayed.

Still, I did a meeting. I wanted to use it as an opportunity to work on my small-group skills. I also wanted to use it as a way to get past my own negativity. Because I really, really hate leading small groups. My thinking was, if I could make this experience enjoyable for the four who stayed, I could make it work for me.

For the most part, I succeeded.

This week I had the chance to help out another leader at a small meeting (the noon group at my former employer’s office). She is a doll, and has awesome interpersonal skills. I thought her one-on-one interactions at the scale showed both professionalism, genuine concern and good active listening skills.

At the same time, I saw her struggle with the small group thing, too (she had about 8 people). It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable, just that there didn’t seem to be a conversational flow or direction. Being compulsive about order and meaning, I found it hard to sit there while people sort of just randomly shared.

But that’s just me.

So anyway, for my own little group today I gave it my all. It was a guided discussion – I had a lot of questions to ask, I had a topic, and I had flip charts! And I also had four very gregarious people. Which was sheer luck.

So even though a part of me feels like I’m hanging on by a fraying thread, I’m not ready to give up quite yet.