This week in Weight Watcher meetings we’re talking about how emotions affect our eating. It’s ironic (and quite apt, I suppose) that I’m having both an emotionally heightened week and a poor time getting my food behavior under control. So when we have these discussions, I’m eager to hear what members have to say! It’s not just some theoretical exercise, that’s for sure!

There are two salient things that come to mind about emotional eating. The first is that almost any emotion can trigger it (either sadness OR happiness, either excitement OR boredom, etc.). The other is that the most effective way to deal with emotional eating is to dig deep and figure out what BENEFIT we get in the moment we are overeating. (Which we refer to as “the Positive Intention”) There’s no use in beating ourselves up, or in saying “I have to stop!”

That just doesn’t work.

What happens when you root around for the “positive intention” behind a particular food behavior is that you identify more precisely what it is that you need. Comfort? Company? Alertness? Release? Whatever you discover will help you start to figure out better and healthier alternatives. My experience tells me that my body is rarely asking for ice cream. Rather, I seem to be craving reassurance, comfort, warmth and positive support.

Tonight’s meeting was doubly ironic, however. The members who were so vibrant and fun and interesting last time, were absolutely silent and unresponsive tonight. So not only was I trying to lead a discussion about the impact of emotions on weight management; in that moment I was also feeling very anxious and frustrated…and hungry! The more I dug into the topic, the more they dug in their heels. And the worse I felt. It was all I could do to NOT open one of the free snacks we were giving away.

Walking home from the meeting (and by the way, walking helps) I thought about the lessons I’ve learned over the years. For one thing, I no longer say to myself “that was the worst meeting I’ve ever done.” Instead, I think about the good things that happened — the people who DID respond, the jokes the group DID like, the interesting things I heard, and so forth. And I look for what I can take from that experience in order to either improve my performance next time, or just plain give myself a break.

So this week I’ve been a little sad, bored, lonely, depressed, anxious and angry. On multiple occasions I tried to take care of myself buy overeating muffins or cookies or chocolate snacks. But the only things that actually HAVE worked to make me feel better are sleep and exercise. I totally forgive myself for the multiple trips to the supermarket bakery section, and I totally understand that if I do that repeatedly, I’m going to see the result on the scale. And that’s okay!

Life isn’t about being perfect and always knowing what to do. In my case, it’s just about trundling along carefully and working on being as happy as I can be. So while I’m working on the exercise and sleep piece, it’s okay if I can’t solve that right away.

Eventually, everything will work out just fine.