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It’s easy to fall into the rut of not taking responsibility for one’s actions. Or at least it’s easy for me. If I lose the keys or forget to pay a bill or can’t finish a work project on time, I tend to think up lots of exotic reasons why it’s not my fault.
When all else fails, I blame the dog!
But the truth is that in 2012 I gained twenty pounds through my own actions. No one forced me to overeat, and no one can take the heat for that. True, for six weeks at the beginning of the year I was laid up with a painful injury. But that was ten months ago.
One thing that WeightWatchers taught me eleven years ago when I joined was that the reason my body is either overweight or at a healthy weight is directly related to the caloric energy I choose to consume. I can’t blame the moon or the tides or my genes –the way I used to.
Through journalling and making careful choices and being hyper-aware of what I’m doing and eating, I learned a long time ago that the scale is not a mystery. It is a reflection of a cumulative series of events over an extended period of time.
This past year, I chose to use food as a comfort mechanism and I chose to remain overweight afterwards. Importantly, however, I also chose not to beat myself up about it.
Sometimes things need to work through your system, whether for good or for ill. While there’s no doubt in my mind that –all things being equal– this year would have been better spent at a healthy weight, I understand that it’s not the end of the world that I didn’t.
For the past couple of months I’ve been feeling and doing better, being a little more conscious of what’s happening, and seeking out support and inspiration. I plan to be gentle with myself again in the coming year.
But I also plan on being at a healthy weight.