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These days I’m all about looking for those things which give me a sense of control. Which at times feels like absolutely nothing. I can’t make my divorce move any faster, I can’t force a company in California to hire me, I can’t plan the timing of my move back home. Nada.
Somewhat to my surprise, however, I’m feeling more confident about my eating habits than I have been in a very, very long time. If you were to have asked me two months ago if I could be “in control of what I put in my mouth” I probably would have said “No way!”
But as I have slowly managed to get my act together, it’s starting to show results at the scale, which seems to be reinforcing my natural ability to put on the brakes. And, naturally, a lot has to do with the fact that I’m working hard at my daily food journal to keep it as complete and accurate as I can, without judgement. (Malted milk balls. Chocolate. Ice cream. Cookies. It’s all in there).
Talking this over with my friend Melanie, she challenged me to think about using my goal-weight clothes as an anchor to stay on track. Although I cannot stand the phrase “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels” it’s true that I like well-cut clothes. Yet despite recent progress I’m still around 5 pounds above where my best clothes will fit comfortably and realistically.
Nevertheless, over the weekend I decided to give it a shot. The idea of being able to wear the things that I put away in April 2012 was pretty daunting. I never even untaped the box after I moved into my apartment last year. I didn’t want those clothes to psyche me out or make me feel like a failure.
Anyway, after a long run on Saturday, I decided to just peek in the box. It had recently been partially opened by some heavier things that had been resting on top of it, so all I was going to do was take a look. But of course curiosity got the better of me.
I started to try them on. One at a time. Shorts, pants, shirts…clothes that I loved when I was last at goal, but had to give up when they became too embarrassing.
And you know what? I’m still going to need to lose those 5 pounds. Or even more. But the fact that I am so close… so very, very close, is great incentive to keep on going.
Now if only I could control the REST of the universe. Sigh.
I still own these clothes from
this “after” photo from 2008!