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My personal spirituality is such that I do not believe in a supreme individual living up in the sky with magical powers to plan and manipulate the forces shaping all human lives. Rather, my faith is based on the idea that there is a directional flow to the universe, and it takes a lot of work to figure out how to let it guide my actions.
Particularly now as I find myself at a major crossroads in life, it’s hard to understand whether I’m in synch with the principles of the universe or whether I’m just kidding myself. As I approach my 50th job rejection in six months I have to ask “Am I tenacious? Or just a fool?”
One thing guiding me in my job search is extreme caution about whether any position is a good and realistic fit for me. I don’t contact people about openings if I don’t have the skills and ability they’re looking for. Similarly, I don’t contact them if the nature of the job or organization is not in synch with my core values.
In this sense, my goal is to work with the directional flow of the universe, rather than trying to fight it. Some people say to me “I know the right job is out there for you” and I guess that’s my way of thinking about it.
Strangely enough, all of this applies to my healthy eating and weight management approach as well. It always seemed “natural” to me to overeat, and I’ve experienced the majority of my time on Earth as an overweight person. But when I got to my goal weight in a smart and healthy way in 2002, it struck me that I had it backwards. Being overweight and eating the wrong way wasn’t my destiny. Rather, it was me fighting against my fears with the only weapon I had (eating).
Losing 50 pounds freed up my body’s natural mechanisms to work more safely and efficiently, and cleared my head and body of a lot of chemicals that had been fogging things up. As I’ve written before, getting to goal was less of a “eureka!” moment and more of a “finally!” feeling.
The human brain and psyche are marvelous things, but my intuition is that we aren’t really as smart as we might imagine. I think the reason people struggle over theology and core beliefs is that we’re looking for simple, straightforward, rational principles to guide us. But instead, all we really have are the foundational structures of the universe, and we are left to try and navigate this maze ourselves, through trial and error.
I’m just glad I made it this far.