Filed under: Main
I’m not sure exactly what it is that can trigger an overeating event, but I figure there are two main culprits: food and circumstances. This week I experienced triggers in both arenas, so perhaps they are inter-related. All I know is that once I started eating candy at work, I just wasn’t able to stop. Then the next day it happened again, and once again after that.
Perhaps what I really ought to be concerning myself with is what causes these eating binges to END. I mean, I’ve been through enough of them. You’d think I might remember what things that I might say or do that would bring me back to my senses. For instance, tonight when I went to put on a pair of jeans and couldn’t get them buttoned, I had to face facts.
Fortunately, I do know that stopping is NOT about berating myself or telling myself that I’ve been bad and made mistakes. Generally the more angry I am with myself, the more my destructive pattern continues.
It’s far more helpful to think “okay, here’s what I was getting out of that behavior…..” This week, for example, I think that part of what I was doing was feeding some kind of physiological response that kept getting louder and louder. My rational brain may have known that a pound of chocolate wasn’t a good idea, but there was something (perhaps chemicals in the bloodstream) that made me keep going anyway. I wasn’t being crazy, I was addressing a need of some sort.
Another thing I was probably engaged in was a semi-conscious response to the anxiety, exhaustion and confusion I’ve been experience lately. I have a lot of stamina and can take multiple 10 and 11 hour workdays, but when I do that for an extended period, I’m draining the batteries a bit. So the natural resources I have for thinking and acting wisely are a bit diminished.
And the viscious cycle that sets in is based on the fact that non-nutritious food just makes you feel more anxious, tired and exhausted over the long haul (no matter how good it might taste while eating it!). That’s why you can’t eat just one potato chip, as the old saying goes.
Fortunately, I’m not panicked. I have resources that I can rely upon to pull me out of a tailspin, both internal and external. For one thing, I’ll be talking to my friend Diane tomorrow and she always calms me down (even if we’re not talking about food). And I also have this blog, where I can explore ideas and experiences and –hopefully– learn from them.
Who knows, maybe all I need is a good night’s sleep. But whatever it is, I’ll let you know what ENDS all of this!
** Just coming back in to provide this link to a great blog I read today on the topic of forgiveness (or as Sally calls it “self care”) **